LOVE ME JEJE

I love you Jeff.. she said to me with tears streaming down her eyes, but I cannot deal with you past.
“I am sorry”
As she spoke each word pierced me like a crown of thorns, my heart stopped beating, it was as if my heart had been pierced with a double edged sword. I couldn’t believe my ears, my one true love was breaking up with me because of my past.

JEFF, please don’t force this, she silently pleaded, I can’t hold on any longer.
My heart couldn’t just fathom the fact that she couldn’t forgive and forget my past. I had been vulnerable for the first time in my life and this was the result.

When I managed to speak, my voice was coarse
“ Yinka, are you not the one who taught me that Christ said we should forgive and forget”
Are you not the Sunday school teacher who hammered on forgiveness at every Sunday school

“why?why? I said with tears streaming down.”

This is different, I want to forgive you and accept your past, but I just cannot bring myself to it. I want to let go but my heart says otherwise. Was the only thing she said to me\. I knew when Yinka made up her mind, there was no going back.
How can you say you love me, if you cannot accept my past, weren’t you the one who had been hammering me to come clean to you about my past..to come clean to you and when I do ..you then leave me high and dry, I said with bitterness in my voice.

Jeff…this is different..she said sobbing heavily, what if your past came knocking in years to come?
We would fight it I quickly replied…as long as I have you I can face anything in the world…please baby, don’t leave me.
I couldn’t imagine my friends seeing me cry like this, I have always been the macho guy, I couldn’t even believe it myself that a whole me, was crying and was crying for what was not my fault.

“Remember, WWJD…..YINKA REMEMBER WWJD “
…angrily she retorted…jeffery don’t you what would Jesus do to me there. Jesus is not the one marrying you, Jesus is not the one who has to deal with your mess for a lifetime…jesus is not the one who has to look at you and see the mistake he made…so don’t you Jesus me.
I couldn’t believe my ears as this point, I was shocked was an understatement of facts.
…I still love you jeff, but I cannot deal with your past…she told me as she pulled my 6 carat diamond ring off her finger and quietly slipped it into my finger as she sobbed heavily….all I could only say at this point was ….Yinka remember…remember I have loved in spite of your flaws..in spite of your past…I know was only the reply I got as she slipped away into the night.
I stared into the deep darkness with my heavy heart…stings of four lettered curse words entered my mind but I couldn’t say them because I loved her………..NOOOOOOOOOOO I screamed into the night.

At that point, I woke up with a start, my phone had been ringing nonstop and at that point, I saw the cold patch on the bed and also looking at my pillow it was drenched in sweat and even my eyes still had tears in them, i could even taste the salt in my tears.

…just then my phone rang again and as I looked at the caller ID, I saw it was Yinka. And she said this famous words

“Hello, love I can’t wait to be your wife today…you are mine forever and I accept you and your past,let us build the future together.”

I knew then, i had found the one.

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Human Capital Development|Innovation|Programmes| Mandela Washington Fellow

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